For most couples, the dating years are extremely romantic. Everything appears rosy, lovely, filled with expensive gifts and they decide to get married. First year of marriage – life is all about first this, first that, first blah, first bleu and o yes, those Facebook pages are brimming with pictures displaying super-duper love! But dating someone and marrying that person is not the same thing. BAM, it hits you! Facebook pictures diminish, the hugely expensive gifts reduce and guess what, you suddenly don’t seem to have much in common anymore!
I’m certain that you all know someone or the other who has done this! Right now, I have a bunch of friends who are in this boat – some are in the ‘exceptionally colorful’ dating stage while for some, unfortunately, the bubble has just burst. But really there’s so much more to life. It drives me up the wall when I see my friends acting like fanatics while planning their extravagant weddings. It is unbelievable how ‘label conscious’ people can get and how much families can spend just to show off! And after all this preposterous business, the couple feels unhappy within a few years!
I’m not against those weddings..but in most cases, I haven’t seen these relations go very far. Not sure how many of you will agree with me on that, but that has been my experience so far. I met my husband in grad school when I was 23. Dating years were filled with fun, excitement, craze, lots of love and understanding for each other. We never did anything ‘extra’..you know what I mean? We didn’t pretend the sky looked extra beautiful just because we were holding hands, he didn’t propose to me with a diamond necklace, I never booked a lavish restaurant on valentine’s day (I think we could have pulled some strings to afford all this..but hey, never felt like – and I guess that is what brought us close). Instead, we chose to dine in restaurants that were not too crowded but had some peaceful music playing in the background or we just drove to the beach and sat there in the evenings..we never felt the need to go out in public and yell our love for each other. We felt happy just being together and by God’s grace, we are still the same after 3 years of marriage. But in these few years, I have realized the need to nurture my relation. Why? Because we are very busy on a day-to-day basis and do not have a lot of time for each other. So it is important to express our love and concern, otherwise I fear that human nature will force us to take each other for granted. Expressing your love, talking about your fears, your desires, strengthens the bond. So, open up!
Take a break once in a while to think about the relations you value –what is it that you want from him and in what way does he matter to you? It is not only about your husband or wife but applies to friends, sisters, brothers and to parents. Expensive gifts can give you temporary happiness and excitement but cannot guarantee life-long love and peace.
Do you remember the experience of standing on the sea-shore and being pulled into the ocean by the sand and receding water? That’s the kind of feeling that overpowers if you don’t nurture a relation. Our society, busy schedules and ever-changing way of life is that unknown force that pulls us away from each other..but you have to remain strong, understand the worth of a relation and take control before it’s too late!